Calvin on the International Scene

Calvin has been in Barcelona for about 7 weeks. I must say he is embracing the Spanish culture. Late dinners, late nights, festivals, etc. He has called a few times. Once at 4:30am and then another time at 5:00am - Spanish time - just getting in from the clubs! He lives with a single woman and her 9 year old son - he refers to them as his "mother" and "brother". Calvin has always liked little kids so I think he is enjoying his role as big brother. He takes two meals with his family and speaks with them exclusively in Spanish. Most of his business classes are in English with American, Spanish, Russian and other European students. Then he takes one Spanish language class. He has been to see Roman Ruins, the Barcelona Festival of Fountains (fountains, music, color - see time lapse photo), the Octoberfest and soon to Copenhagen. Sounds pretty happy and looks good. The other photo is during the Festival of the Saint of Barcelona. Calvin and friends are standing in front of a rather large pot of paella.

Lessons Learned...

Can't believe I haven't posted for over a month! I have been busy. Getting out a bit more which is good but also tiring. I went for a check up with both my radiologist and oncologist last week. I am fine. Cancer free! Had one small issue with drug interactions. In spite of our modern and electronic pharmacy checks and health care systems I feel like I really should take responsibility for making sure that everything I do is okay with all my doctors. Turns out that the medication prescribed by my primary care physician for pain makes the Tamoxifen (cancer/anti-estrogen) drug less effective. Of course the Tamoxifen is more important so I will change the meds for pain. Although this is a fairly new discovery (in the past year or two) you would think that the pharmacy or health care provider would be aware or check for conflicts. The interaction with the Tamoxifen was only for about 6 weeks. I will be on it for 5 years at least so I am not going to loose sleep about it. But I have learned a lesson.

I also learned that it's not crazy to just ask... you never know what the answer will be. With this continued expander pain I was trying everything I could think of to get rid of some of it. I came up with the idea of having the right expander (remember - tupperware) swapped out for the much softer silicone implant right away. We can't do the radiated side for 6 months. I really thought that the doctor would say no. But I have cleared it will all doctors and have gotten approval from the insurance company. Not so crazy after all. Both the plastic surgeon and the radiologist thought it was a good idea for me considering my experience thus far. Also, it is my right shoulder that is frozen. So I can hopefully work harder on rehab with the softer implant in place. I am looking forward to this surgery. It is only about 1 hour, out patient surgery with a week's recovery. So not a major surgery and might make major changes to how I feel. At least that is what I am hoping.

Hair... I have more hair than Obama. I have just enough hair that I have been out in public a number of times and no weird stares or anything. My family and friends say its looks fine, actually very hip! I actually had a bit trimmed off as it was hanging over my ears (barely). It is still very dark and gray. Not sure what I am going to do about that.

Physical Therapy

I have moved on to new challenge. Sometime in June I strained something on my right shoulder. I lost a lot of mobility in that arm and proceeded to use it less and less. BIG MISTAKE! Frozen shoulder set in. I was in the middle of radiation so it seemed like I had bigger fish to fry at the time. Now that I am done with the frying, I am working on my shoulder. Seeing a physical therapist who really knows what he's doing and have already made some progress. But of course there is no gain without more pain. It was a good decision to get help as I don't think I could do this on my own. Let's call him the "pain train".

On another not so good note, a dear friend recently diagnosed with melanoma just started visiting my friend's the Cancer Assassins for his radiation treatments. Some sad coincidence. He seems to like them as much as I do. I guess he knew what to expect based on my photos and descriptions of radiation.

With the magic of facebook I have been found by a few more high school friends - many whom I haven't spoken to for 10 or 20 years. From one comes words of inspiration, greatly needed by me the week following radiation...

"If I were cancer and I was seeking Victory. I would not choose you as my enemy."

DONE

I had my last radiation treatment today, Tuesday, August 18th. Although I originally reported I would be done on Monday, we had a little change in the schedule. The doctor wanted to do one more treatment... and as the techies tell me - the doctor always wins. But now I can check radiation off my list. Can you believe I got a bit teary saying good bye to everyone. I have seen them almost every day for 7 weeks. I will miss them... but am glad to move on. My skin is fried, I am a bit tired and feel like the expanders are squeezing me! Tomorrow morning at 11:10 am I will be home and not in a doctor's office. Hopefully starting to heal. YEAH!

Radiation for Dummies or Radiation 101

I took my camera to my radiation treatments this week so I could share the experience. Many have asked what the machine is like and how it feels, etc. So I have some examples with me in position. As I described before the treatment portion takes very little time. I am probably in the room for 10 minutes or so. It takes them longer to get me into the exact position than it does to do the treatments. First I lie down on the table with my head and arms in the mold.
They but a bolster under my knees and tie my feet together so that I won't accidently move during the process. Remember I got
three tiny tatoos in June during my set up session. They use these and all the instruments to get me aligned with the beams. The table moves up and down and sideways. The technicians call out numbers to line the table and me up correctly. Sometimes they manually move my torso a bit. Then they leave the room. That big, heavy door closes then the radiation comes in short 10 or 15 second intervals... I don't feel a thing - just hear a buzzing sound. A red "warning" light also flashes during this time. After about 5 shots from one side (where you see me in the picture) the machine rotates to my other side - almost level with the table and I get a few more doses. That's it.

The machine can take x-rays, shoot protons and electrons and also do a CT scan to verify exact positioning. They don't use the CT on me. (The techies told me that is mostly used for radiation on brain cancer patients.) They have been using protons thus far to treat my cancer area. During the last five days of the process I will receive what they call an external radiation boost. This targets the area directly around where my surgery was and uses electrons. I have my last protron treatment on Monday and then we switch for 5 treatments to the skin. So, its "One machine does all" kind of like the fax/printer/copier machines. And it the very latest technology. There are often visitors coming to check out the newest radiation equipment. It feels great to know that I am getting the best treatment that exists.

I get an x-ray done each week and they verify their measurements to make sure I am still getting "roasted" in the correct places. I see the Doctor every Thursday where I get to tell her how horrible I feel and she says she is sorry. I get lab work done every other week to make sure that my white blood count doesn't drop too low. It has dropped a bit - but not bad. I just have to stay away from sick people again like during chemo. My skin is tightening and thus squeezing everything - worse than ever. My skin is irritated, I am irritable, I am incredibly tired and sometimes irrational... just ask Mark. But I am almost done. Only 6 more treatments... last day is Monday, August 17th. Don't know what I will do with myself when I don't have to go to radiation every day... recover maybe. In terms of my hair... I think it is growing faster on my legs than on my head. My niece says I "look like a very cute urban woman turned Buddhist! Very hip looking." Not exactly what I was going for but not bad.

I have been told that I look "radiant" by one friend as soon I was finished ... it took me a second to get her joke. Our neighbors have also told us they can detect a certain "glow" coming from our end of the street. Enough already!

There are two photos of the technicians whom we/they have named the "Cancer Assassins". A photo that shows me "in position" ready for treatment and in the top photo you can see the mold that holds my head and arm as well as the equipment.

Disclaimer: Anything I wrote in the column may not be accurate... I have not been trained well enough to understand the entire radiation process.

Half Way Done!

I am actually more than half way done with my radiation treatments. I have 12 more sessions. I actually thought it would feel so good to get to the half way mark, but now that I'm here all I keep thinking is ... I'm ONLY half way done. It's really taking a toll on me. I am beat. On Tuesday the computer than runs the machines was having some problems... of course while I was on the table. My treatment was stalled and they wanted me to stay in position while they got their physicist to come take a look at things. (The radiation rays were not going during this time.) So I had to stay with my arm in the mold over my head while they tried to figure things out. I am still sore on both sides of my body from that. I got blood work done again and saw the doctor today. Tomorrow I will have a longer appointment while they set up the final phase of the plan which treats mostly the skin and scar area. Another longer day for me. The doctor says that my skin is holding up well so that was good news.

Last weekend I rallied to go to Donner again. It's actually a great place for napping and reading. We had Calvin and his three Andrews cousins together for the first time in over a year so that was great fun. My niece is back from a year long trip to France where she was teaching conversational English at a company called Freescale. We actually saw her in France last September when we were there after our hike in the Alps. This fall her brother, Marshal and his girlfriend, Jess will be teaching English is Spain to elementary school children. And Calvin will be going to school (traveling and partying) in Barcelona. Our kids are extremely lucky! Photo of the Andrews cousins having a bad hair day at Donner. Now trying to get the Riker side of the family together before Calvin leaves.

My hair is growing. I didn't get what I ordered... so far it is dark with lots of gray around the edges. Can't tell if it is going to be curly yet. I guess my next major goal is to be at the point where I am comfortable going out in public without a hat or wig. I am totally up for the spiky look so just give me about an inch of hair and I'm there!

Radiation and Routine

I am a bit more than one third of the way done with radiation. My appointment time changed to 11:10am so that's when you should be thinking about me. In my last post I mentioned that the door that protects the rest of the office and staff from the radiation is about one foot thick, well it also weighs about 2,000 lbs. Isn't that amazing. So far my skin is looking the way it should according my doctor. And I am tired just as predicted.

All three of us have been watching the Tour de France every morning and some evenings. It's additive! It becomes part of our routine in July every year. Mark and Calvin are getting ready for work and don't always get to stick around to see the morning finish. Most of the days have been pretty exciting, with falls, attacks and wild sprints to the finish line. One of the radiation technicians is a big bike rider and Tour fan. We have discussed the Tour since my first set-up appointment in May. I am still wearing my yellow LIVESTRONG bracelet (as are Mark, Calvin and other relatives). That always makes it easy to start a conversation with other biking enthusiasts. Each day we talk about what happened the previous day. I have promised not to mention the current days race as he doesn't watch it until the evening and of course wants it to be a surprise. The Tour de France riders are now in the Swiss and French Alps and it reminds me of the area where we hiked in the Italian Dolomites last year - incredibly beautiful.

After Mark and Calvin go off to work in the morning, I do a few things around the house and then get ready to go to radiation. With driving time I am usually gone for at least an hour and a half. If I have my teenage driver, Millie (see photo), we often run some errands on the way home. We have become great friends... I text her the times I need her and always hear back immediately! The other day her mother (who is one of my dearest friends) asked her who she was texting and Millie replied "My new BFF" (Best Friends Forever) - I am honored. Often I have her drop me home and then I send her out to go to the store, etc. Saves my energy for other things. I now refer to her as my personal assistant. She will be a senior in high school next year and I will miss her when she goes back to school.

As mentioned previously I have to have some time on the couch every afternoon. It's about fatigue and also about getting my body horizontal. Laying down gives me some relief some the pain from the expanders. I watch movies, (many for the umpteenth time) but lately have been hooked on the TV series "Mad Men". It was a great gift from one of my FINS. Calvin and his girlfriend have been watching it too (at different times than me). It's set in New York City in the 1960's in an advertising agency. It is so true to that time period. Everyone smokes (even the pregnant women), they drink all day in the office and the booze in set out on the credenza just like you would put it out for a party. The women's fashions are great to see. The men do not treat the women very well - secretaries are there for office flings and all the men are having other affairs. Great character development and it is certainly keeping my attention. The second season was just released and I can hardly wait for my "rest time" to watch the next episode.

I have also read a few books, the most noteworthy is "The Help" by Kathryn Stockett. It tells the story of three women living in Jackson, Mississippi and the relationships between the African American servants and their white employers. The times are starting to change but not quickly enough in the deep south. I lover her writing style and I will recommend it to my book club for our next meeting.

My baby boy turned 20... no longer a teen and hopefully he will rid himself of some of those dreadful teen habits. However no sign of that happening yet and I am not holding my breath!

Vacation and Radiation

I have been reminded that I have not updated my blog for ages... but I have been busy!

Photos - views from our room, sunsets, kids, beach volleyball and fun dinners! I cannot get the photos to line up the way I want but am tired of playing with it!

First we got to go on vacation. I am so happy that I was able to make the trip. I had been looking forward to it as my reward for finishing chemo... my break before starting radiation. The entire Andrews' clan, Calvin's girlfriend Molly, my sister-in-laws parents and sister and some of our longtime friends, the Hobbs, all gathered in Ixtapa for a week. We were hit with the tail of tropical storm Andre (I think it landed more in Cabo) which made things rather exciting for a day or two. Still hot and just some periods of hard rain. Mostly keep our group out of the surf and the waves washed away parts of our beach including the first row of pilapa umbrellas on the beach. Didn't keep us from enjoying it all. The view from our unit was incredible so coffee on the balcony was hard to leave. But margaritas and nachos on the beach lured us all away for a few hours. The travel wasn't as hard as I had anticipated. When my girlfriend hinted to Mark to take advantage of a special upgrade to first class for me (not him) he took care of it and thus I was a bit more comfortable. Read, relaxed, floated in the water and napped. Oh and a little eating and cocktails too. It was a wonderful change of scenery for me.

Started radiation right after we got back. I have 8 down with 25 to go. Think of me every week day at 10:40am. It's a fairly quick appointment. Because I am still having pain and mobility issues with my expanders and arms I have either friends or teenagers driving me. I already feel like the technicians are my new best friends as I see them every day. I did learn that the goal for someone who has had a mastectomy is to really radiate (sunburn) the skin as that is one of the most likely spots the cancer would return. With a lumpectomy the breast tissue needs to be radiated so the skin doesn't get as burnt. Hopefully mine will hold up well. So far, so good. Every other day is "party dress day" at radiation. Picture a piece of shimmery, metallic, heavy fabric... something like Hamlet would wear in a Shakespeare play. A piece of this is draped over my breast to intensify (I think) the radiation. The room is similar to an x-ray or MRI room with lots of high tech equipment. It takes a few minutes to get me into the the correct position with my arm in the mold (especially made for me) over my head and the table at the exact height, etc. The door to the room is almost 12 inches thick. The technicians leave the room and the door locks for the short period of time that the radiation is happening. This protects them from being exposed to the radiation. The whole process in the room, including getting me positioned, takes about 10 - 15 minutes. It takes a few minutes for me to change in and out of a gown for the process. Total time is about 25 minutes or so. Not too bad. Its a bit of a drive but if it keeps the cancer cells away then it's all worth it!

Highlights and Lowlights

The highlight of last week had to have been seeing the band play! Great entertainment.

The low light... (not sure if that is the right term but you get the idea)
It's a bit complicated, but medically I am right on track. I went to the radiologist to have my Simulation (set up) appointment for radiation. The technicians made a mold out of what you might picture a very small bean bag chair for my arm. The bean bag hardens after holding your arm in an awkward and uncomfortable position for about twenty minutes. Then they did a CAT scan of my upper body, I think to see where all my vital organs, etc are. At which point the doctor decided that my expanders were going to get in the way of my radiation treatment. We had to stop the set up process right then. On Friday afternoon I went back to my plastic surgeon. In one twenty minute session she took out half the saline (from each breast) which had been injected over the past few months. I now have saggy, lumpy not perky expanders. Looks kind-of like a half deflated balloon - no not quite that bad. And in clothes it's fine. Since the skin has already been stretched, hopefully things will all work out in the end when the silicone implants are installed. I was actually in a state of shock and didn't ask too many questions. The most important thing is for the radiation to get done correctly, the rest will be what it is and and we will figure it out when we get there. Mentally it was a very hard day.

I went back to finish up with the radiologist on Tuesday. Turns out that the deflation of my expanders shifted things around and I have less arm mobility than I had before. Go figure. Putting my arm back in the mold was not fun. Leaving it there for 25 minutes was even less fun. Got three tiny tatoos. Just little dots, not anything fancy. And that didn't really hurt. I am now working on getting some more mobility back in my upper body. The hope is that once my body adjusts to the new position of the expanders I might feel better. So far, not so much. Radiation starts on Jun 30 at 10:40am every weekday for 6 weeks. The actual appointment is about 1/2 hour max. Side effects are fatigue and a really, really bad sun burn. The goal is to fry your skin so the cancer won't come back there. Nice!

20 Down

On Saturday night I was treated to evening of food and musical entertainment at the home of Jim and Cathe Bonette. The group of men that Mark plays music (guitars) with most Tuesday nights actually played for their wives. We wives had front row seats for the show. Band members include Mark (in green), two friends from Encina High School - Jed Bittner (right of Mark) and Jim Bonette (left) - and mutual friend, Bob Foster (far right). They play Beatles, Grateful Dead, Neil Young, etc. There was a special guest appearance by Jim's son Max Bonnette, also playing guitar. The band is called "20 Down", something to do with a dart game. I guess we woman are called "groupies".

Calvin's Travels

After begging for weeks I finally got a few photos from Calvin. Although he swears they are busy with class, homework, guest speakers and site visits he has squeezed in a few fun things. About 15 of the students went to Phuket, Thailand for two nights. It's a beach resort area where the waves were great, authentic Indian food on a beachfront restaurant was the best and an elephant ride was incredible. He also rode right on the elephant's neck. On Saturday the group took a ferry to mainland China where they will travel around for five days. Yesterday visited a toy factory where they were greeted with a hugh sign "Welcome Georgetown Students" and a few minutes of M-80s (firecrackers) went off in their honor. The owner gave his speech about the factory and then they worked on the assembly line with the masses. Also had lunch with the work force and ate what they were fed. Not sure what that was, but wasn't bad. This factory experienced big problems last year with all the toy recalls from China.

The middle photo is Calvin in front of a traditional building which is a Nunnery juxtaposed against the modern architecture of Hong Kong (I think). Top photo is of his bungee jump. OMG! He said he was shaking at the top of the platform, but once he got going he enjoyed it. A perfect dive thanks to all those years of swim lessons.

His trip is also most over. He has to turn in a group project and a few other assignments on Friday and then he flies back to San Francisco on Saturday. He sounds happy and exhausted. Can't wait to see the rest of the photos! and him of course!

More Photos From Race for the Cure

Here are some more photos from the Race for the Cure. We don't have the group photo yet so you don't really get a sense as to how many people showed up. The one group photo in these photos is of all my relatives who attended. On the bottom is a slideshow... hope it works. You might also be able follow this link which to to Picasa. Thanks to Kit, Gigi and Justin for photo contributions.

Race for the Cure

Can You Guess?

This is a photo of a joke a friend brought to me at one of my chemo sessions. Can you figure out what it is? I was actually fortunate that I didn't require any of the real stuff to control nausea. I only felt really nauseous once. I did have offers from friends aged 20 to 75 who could get me real thing should I need it! Nice to know my friends are willing to take care of me on so many different levels!

Hair update. I didn't really expect to have much hair by now and I don't. I have about 1/16th of an inch of sparse growth - not sure what color. Then a few grey hairs in the sideburn area. I do have about 8 erratic hairs that are about 3/4's of an inch long. Those hairs probably never fell out. You can only see them up close and I think I kind of look like a cartoon character.

Calvin Update - He is in Phuket, Thailand this weekend with about 15 of the students on the program. They flew over Friday morning, got sun burned, body surfed and had an authentic Thai dinner at a restaurant on the beach. Tomorrow they might ride elephants and then go back to the beach. He is more than half way done with the program, keeping very busy with classes and just loving it. Still no pictures...

Doctors

So much for not having to see doctors for a while. I went three times this week. I had some issues with the tear ducts in my eyes (side effects from chemo) and the prescribed meds made the pressure behind my eyes sky rocket... not good. So have been to see my eye doc twice. Got that under control. Got a horrible cold, sore throat, cough (its hurts so much to cough) even lost my voice and decided to go see my regular doc to make sure it wasn't anything worse. It seems I will survive. Not what I had planned. This was the week when I was hoping to really start feeling better and instead it was awful. Maybe next week!

Speaking of docs... this is a photo of my plastic surgeon who has to be one of the nicest people ever, but of course she is known in my circle as the Torturer. I have even called her that in person. She doesn't look like she could torture a fly. But the pain in my chest from the expanders persists even though I haven't had a pump up for weeks. I keep trying to believe her when she tells me it will get better.

Airport and Lunch

I surprised myself when I woke up feeling well enough to go to the airport (yet again) to ship Calvin off to Hong Kong on Friday, May 15th. So glad I rallied. We had great car conversation... you know how it is when you get a kid in a car and he can't escape. Said our good-byes. I don't think I was sad at all because he was so excited. He has called twice and can hear lots of enthusiasm in his voice about all that he is seeing and doing. He is living in a suburb of Hong Kong called Sha Tin and taking classes at the Chinese University of Hong Kong (in English). The 24 Georgetown students on the program are living next door in a Hyatt Regency with daily maid service and flat screen television. Sounds rough. With the downturn in the travel industry I suspect the Hyatt is happy to have those rooms booked for five weeks. He is very busy with class every morning, afternoon speakers and field trips, homework and night clubs. Perfect place to study International Marketing and Comparative Management. I keep asking for photos but he can't seem to squeeze in downloading a few and sending them to us.

After dropping him off we met my brother and his new girlfriend for lunch in the Haight Ashbury district of San Francisco. Hasn't changed much... Found a restaurant called Magnolia with a Grateful Dead theme which was perfect. The menus were old play lists from past Dead concerts. Bonded immediately with Geetika (the girlfriend) and look forward to doing more with both my brother and her in the near future. She is also a member of this breast cancer club. Another survivor... gives me inspiration. Lots of traffic on the way home and I was exhausted for the rest of the weekend. Must say it was worth it!

I just realized that if you click on any of the photos you can zoom in for a bigger version. Much easier to see the details.

Done With Chemo!

I am happy to say that I finished my last chemo treatment about 10 days ago. Had my girlfriends Carol Michael, Cathe Bonette and Jean Foster with me for entertainment. They gave me a pedicure and foot massage. I think we were having so much fun the nurses wanted to hang out with us! No problems with the treatment. I received a certificate of completion from the staff at the infusion center - kind of like graduation. Hope I don't ever have to see them again! Must say that the hangover was the worst yet, but it's in the past now. I had my last appointment with the plastic surgeon for a while. I actually have only one doctor's appointment until the end of June. Then I start 6 weeks of radiation, which is not supposed to be too bad. I feel like I have reached the peak of my journey. Although still a ways to go, I am on the downward side. I am still experiencing a fair amount of pain from the expanders but that should get better over time (I hope!). It's hard to express how happy I am to be done with chemo and expansion process! Yippee!

Photos from Race / Calvin and Julie

Queen For A Day

I walked a mile. But it was so much more than that... I can't begin to express the range of emotions I felt from being part of the Race for the Cure. Empowering, uplifting and inspirational. I felt and still feel your support ... if you were there in person or in spirit... you made me feel like Queen for the Day. Of course I shared that privliege with all the other women who have had or are currently battling this disease. One carrying a sign that said "What a difference a Year Makes" came up and introduced herself and sister while we were walking. She is one year out from her last chemo and doing great. Her sister was diagnosed one year later but caught it early! She just wanted to tell me to hang in there. I also shared the day personally with 4 other survivors, Carol Michael, Sevim Larsen, Pam Kunkel and Kathryn Scott. I walked with a sign on my back with many other names and ran out of room to include everyone I know touched by breast cancer (see photo). Most of my family was present, minus Calvin (in a final), my brother (working) and niece Winnie and nephew Marshal both out of town. My Dad, I'm sure, was watching from somewhere. I don't remember the count of the team members who arrived early in the morning to join me for this celebration - at least 40 and many more donated. We were one of the larger teams and proud to say we raised over $2,240 (which doesn't include some that came in later). I had family there, friends I met through Mark's high school buddies, friends from book club, college, Rio del Oro swim team, Junior League, my Ashland girls trip, work, skiing, Jesuit water polo, neighbors and Sierra Oaks Elementary School. I will share the official team photo and other photos later. Team Captain and dear friend Anne Marder had balloons, mini cupcakes with the pink cancer ribbons, strawberries and mimosas for us after finishing. Anne's daughter helped too. My sister got team shirts and Mark carried our sign through out the walk. My nieces put my name up on the Survivor's wall at Cal Expo (and decorated my house in lots of pink when we got home). We were collectively the loudest to yell every time our team name was announced during the walk. And at the end, in a comfy chair with a mimosa in hand, I was the Queen! Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

It was a long day... I stayed up way past my bedtime to greet Calvin at the airport at 10:30pm. He happened to be on the same plane with great friend Julie Calnero and the Sac State tennis team with their coach, trainer and other supporters some of whom we knew. Happy to have my boy home, even if just for a short time. Life is good. Tomorrow is the last leg of this part of the race - Chemo #4.

Catch Up!

I realize I haven't posted to my Blog in a while. I am keeping busy while still spending time on the couch every afternoon to rest my body, not really nap. I have watched lots of movies both new and old. Not much reading... it is too hard to focus. This was the first week in a while that I did not have chemo or a pump up appointment. Yeah! I am still very sore from the last one so really happy didn't have to go in for more torture. Made it out to a restaurant for about the third time since the end of January. Stumbled upon a new French Bistro right near our house at Arden Town called PlanB2. Had Mark's favorite, Mussels with fries on the menu and I had salmon. No rabbit or snails, more California/French food. Great salads and desserts, met the owner... all in all had fun. I wore my wig and Mark said that after a while he got used to the way I look in it. We had dinner at 6pm and I was back on my couch by 7:45pm. Also went to a friends for an early dinner on Sunday night. So once in a while we can do normal things...

I think mentally I had a hard time during my chemo #3 hangover. Knowing that I had to go back again... yuck. But now I am gearing up for my last one. I go this coming Monday, May 11th. I will be in a much better space knowing that this is it! I will then have one or two more pump ups. And then a break in the month of June. I start radiation for 6 weeks on June 29th.

The Race for the Cure is Saturday which I am looking forward to and Calvin comes home that night. Just in time for Mother's Day. He is going to summer school in Hong Kong - leaves on May 15th. He will take two classes which are part of his business major requirements and will make "field trips" to many of the offices/ headquarters of companies doing business in Asia. What an incredible opportunity! I am sure he will also do lots of fun travel on the weekends. He finishes with a week on mainland China, again visiting various companies and hopefully some sight seeing.

Not sure if I previously mentioned that I had to have my wedding ring cut off before the surgery as well as another ring. I had not taken my wedding ring off for over 20 years (we will celebrate 25 in August). I was afraid of swelling and also needed to get a small diamond replaced. It required "major surgery" at my local jewelry shop to get it off. It was three bands welded together which they cut in two places and then bent the pieces back from my finger before they could finally slip it off without cutting me. The three bands came apart along with the cut pieces... it was a mess. After resizing, replacing the diamond, cleaning it and re-engraving two of the bands, I finally got it back. I think it has been through a journey similar to my own. Some major surgery (getting it off), replacing the diamond (my expanders which will eventually give me my new breasts) and a major clean up which I think is like the chemo and radiation cleaning out the cancer. The engravings are like the very small tattoo I will get as the radiation marker. And when it is all over... I will be as sparkly and new and my ring. Can't wait to get there! In the meantime I love seeing my ring look like new. The day we picked it up is the day we discovered the new french bistro. It might be our new hangout when this is all over!

Chemo With Pam and Kathy

Jaime Gets Chemo & Mark Gets a Harley!?!

Race For the Cure

Thanks to all of you who have donated to Jaime's Team for the Race for the Cure. With your help and the organization of Anne Marder we have raised over $1,180.00. Our goal was $500 so way to go! My sister is designing some t-shirts for those who will be walking/running on Saturday, May 9th and Mark says he will donate the shirts to our team. I am planning on being there... can't walk the whole thing but will participate somehow. I have never done it and hear that it is very inspiring. Since my diagnosis at the beginning of January five of you have had a friend or relative diagnosed with breast cancer. I have spoken with a few of them as we are now members of the same club. There are too many women in this club and it's a bit scary. I guess that is why so many people support the Race for the Cure. If you want to join the team I think today (or tomorrow) is the last day to sign up as a member of the team. We get to have an Official Team Photo taken at the race. Again no need to make an additional donation. Anne will be contacting you with a meeting place and other information prior to race day. Thanks again.

http://komen.kintera.org/faf/search/searchTeamPart.asp?ievent=301523&lis=0&kntae301523=6D527EDC14E34CF8A120B62BBD2FB071&team=3367249

cut and paste...

Hair

I still have a little bit of hair on the top of my head... nothing really on the side. Still have eyebrows and eyelashes ... they are usually the last to go. If I'm lucky I won't loose everything. I have the wig, which I haven't worn much. I have a strip of hair that is attached to velcro and then put into a hat. See Easter photo with Calvin. I mostly wear the strip with a baseball cap. Otherwise I wear a scarf or nothing around the house. I don't think I am brave enough (yet) to post a photo of me without my hair.

Mark says I am his cupcake with no icing...

Chemo # 3 Done... Only One More to Go!

I had Chemo on Monday and it was the smoothest so far. No emergencies with any of the other patients and with an extra dose of Benedryl I tolerated the mediation much better. Friends Kathy and Pam kept me company. Talked the whole time. I was very anxious about getting through this one based on the reaction I had to the medication last time. So now I can check it off the list and have only May 11th as my last visit.

I have 4 more appointments with the Torturer (the plastic surgeon). These are getting harder as we get near the end of expanding my skin in preparation for the new silicone implants later on. She really is the nicest woman, but it's pretty painful the first few days following my appointment. Should be done with this phase by the end of May.

Mark and I went to get our second opinion with a radiologist. Another incredible doctor. She went the extra mile for me. In addition to being so thorough and patient during the exam she offered to contact her mentor to get his advice. She trained in Boston with Abram Recht. He is one of the leading experts on radiation oncology in the United States.He follows all the current studies being conducted here and other countries. This day really turned out to be a roller coaster for me... At first, her recommendation was that I didn't fit the profile that would call for radiation. So I was thinking maybe I wouldn't have to do it!! (The first doctor we saw last month said I was in a grey area but she would still recommend radiation.) What makes my case different is that one of the tumors grew into the pectoral muscle. There is not much data out there for this situation but as mentioned Dr. Recht is monitoring this. What he is seeing in these new studies out of Europe is that women with similar circumstances to mine have better outcomes if they have radiation. There is a higher rate of reoccurrence if you don't do radiation. So... looks like I will be spending 6 weeks this summer having radiation 5 times per week. It's a short appointment, about 20 minutes. I am up for it! The most disappointing thing is that the plastic surgeon cannot swap out the expanders for the silicone implants until 6 months after radiation is complete. Your skin, blood vessels, etc have to recover from the radiation for that amount of time before they can do another surgery. The plastic surgeon promises me that the expanders will be more comfortable after we are done expanding and done with chemo... I hope she is telling me the truth.

I do feel like I am getting towards the end of the hardest part of treatment. But the chemo has put me into menopause so I am now having hot flashes on top of everything else. Nice to know that many of you are having hot flashes along with me! :)

Attitude

I know that I am not the only one facing a family illness or crisis these days. I think about my friends often and hope that you are all coping as best as possible. One of the positive consequences of my illness is that it has put me back in more regular contact with many friends. A college sorority sister sent me this poem and I decided it was worth sharing. Although this one has leanings towards those of us with cancer, it really applies to anyone, particularly the last part. I try so hard to find the good side of things and be positive and upbeat. (Sometimes it's hard. I have bad days and tears just like everyone else.) Many of you have seen the painting in our house with two men staring at a glass of water. One is frowning and one is smiling. The title is "Glass Half Full" ... This is about how you view your life...
Please enjoy this poem and know that I think about you all constantly.

Attitude

There once was a woman who woke up one morning,
looked in the mirror,
and noticed she had only three hairs on her head..
'Well,' she said, 'I think I'll braid my hair today.'
So she did and she had a wonderful day.

The next day she woke up,
looked in the mirror
and saw that she had only two hairs on her head.
'H-M-M,' she said,
'I think I'll part my hair down the middle today.'
So she did and she had a grand day.

The next day she woke up,
looked in the mirror and noticed
that she had only one hair on her head.
'Well,' she said, 'today I'm going
to wear my hair in a pony tail.'
So she did, and she had a fun, fun day.

The next day she woke up,
looked in the mirror and noticed
that there wasn't a single hair on her head.
'YAY!' she exclaimed.
'I don't have to fix my hair today!'

Attitude Is Everything.
Be kinder than necessary,
for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.
Live simply,
Love generously,
Care deeply,
Speak kindly.......

Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...

It's about learning to dance in the rain.

Chemo Party #2 with sister Gigi

Race for the Cure

My friend Anne Marder, my book club and a few others have decided to enter a team for the Race for Cure on Saturday, May 9, 2009 at Cal Expo, Sacramento. Although Anne tried to name the team boob trotters, that was taken, so she settled on the brilliant and creative name of Jaime's Team. She set a very reasonable goal of $500.00. No pressure. If you want to partake by joining the walk or making a donation please feel free. I like to think that I might be able to walk for a short while that morning with my friends. We shall see. Calvin has participated before with good friend Pam Kunkel and her family. I have also had numerous friends participate in the longer events, all for a good cause.

Not sure if the links listed below will actually work. You can always contact Anne if you have any problems or questions. Here is her message.

Won't you consider joining us, and bringing daughters and friends? (sons) Go to http://www.sackomen.org/ for more information and to register. Go to the home page, click Race for the Cure, then find the Team Rank and click to find Jaime's Team, which will allow you to register. You do not need to make a donation other than to register, unless you are so moved. We will organize more as we know who will be participating. Please send this information on to anyone who might be interested in doing the event!
Thanks all!
Anne
a.marder@comcast.net

Okay, I am frustrated and can't quite get this link to work so copy and paste it into your browser or follow the instructions above.

http://komen.kintera.org/faf/search/searchTeamPart.asp?ievent=301523&lis=0&kntae301523=6D527EDC14E34CF8A120B62BBD2FB071&team=3367249%0A

Update Hair and Chemo

I made my last public appearance at my book club meeting last week with my short hair. Just as my doctor predicted it was starting to come out in clumps at about 2 weeks after my first treatment. As soon as I got home Mark got out the clippers and started in on my lovely highlighted blond locks. First he took the bulk off and then buzzed me down to a #2. I look just like Calvin after he had he head shaved for water polo during championships each fall. We do have the same facial structure although his eyebrows are perfectly shaped and mine always need help. I think I had come to terms with loosing the hair earlier in the week. Although I shed a tear it didn't last long. I was more worried about Mark nicking me with the clippers. He didn't. He did a great job. It was probably harder on him than on me. So now its scarves (need some work on how to tie those), hats or nothing. Oh and my wig. I actually didn't get the Denver wig, ended up trading it for a shorter one called Wind Swept. It's a little more styled than I'm used to... but makes me look like I am not sick. Wind Swept made her debut at lunch last Thursday and then at again at a business meeting last Friday. I ran into an old childhood friend at the meeting. I told her that in the wig I feel like I am playing "dress up" again. It's been confusing looking in the mirror lately. I have gone from long hair, to the short bob, to the buzz cut and then to a wig. Mark says he is used to looking at me with the buzz and that I look great. Like I said before, I guess I will keep him! The hair is actually still falling out, getting a bit patchy in some places. But it's part of the process of getting better.

I had my second chemo treatment. Also part of getting better. But of course it really doesn't make you feel better. I had a bit harder time tolerating the chemo medication this time. I had to stop for a while, have an additional dose of benadryl and then they had to slow down the drip line. As a consequence I was there for 6 hours. My Mom and sister were there with me so we just had a "chemo party" and covered about every topic you can imagine. I know I will feel very crummy (understatement) for a few days but then I can say I am half way done with chemo! Actually I have decided to call it a "chemo hangover"... leftover from the "chemo party" that I attended on Monday. Don't think I have ever had a hangover for this many days.

Wish I could make it to the movie theater but will have to settle for video on demand. Watched "Australia" which I think was panned by the critics. But come on... Hugh Jackman, Nicole Kidman and the spectacular scenery of the outback? How could it be bad. I thought it was a great epic! Would watch it again. Warning... it is long. Glad I could watch it in the luxury of my own home and take breaks when necessary. Then I resorted to a teenage chick flick. Not having a daughter I never knew much about the "Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants" books and movies. But I watched the second movie and it helped me through the hangover. Liked it a lot except for the fact that all the girls have beautiful hair and mine is gone. Mark tells me I look normal. He tried to tell me that lots of women are wearing their hair really short these days... I told him he was "full of shit"!

Love Short Hair

I have really enjoyed my short hair cut! Everyone I see seems to love it. Your earrings really show more with short hair. I find that I am wearing different earrings that I barely wore in the past. Unfortunately the time with my hair is fleeting. I am afraid to brush my hair. Each time I run my fingers through my it I have about 20 -30 hairs in my fingers. I will probably have Mark shave it off on Wednesday... How fair is it for a woman to loose both her breasts and hair at the same time? Actually I do have small breasts forming and have another appointment tomorrow. I am growing by the week! I did pick up my wig and was loaned two others from a fellow member of this club. Watch out, I might have different personalities when I wear different wigs. This could be fun. Also, won't have to shave my legs for the next few months. Now that is a positive side effect from chemo.

Finished the book I was reading about Julia Child. I really enjoyed it. I like biographies, love food and love France so how could I go wrong. I remember Julia Child's unique laugh and watching her do food demonstrations on TV. Now we have the Food Network and all those cooking competitions. I think she started it all. And she didn't publish her book until 1961 when she was (I think) 49 years old. Then her career took off. Evidence that there is still a lot to look forward to for all of us who continue to celebrate life after 50. "My Life in France" by Julia Child and Alex Proud-homme. (By the way... is the proper way to cite a book with underlines? I can't seem to figure out how to do that in the blog so it will have to be quotes.)

Now I have moved on to another famous chef, Alice Waters. "Alice Waters and Chez Panisse" by Thomas McNamee. One of the first art works that Mark and I purchased was a print designed by friends of ours for Chez Panisse in 1982. It still hangs in our house today. I think Alice had a poster designed for the restaurant every year. Some of my fellow Berkeley friends might remember if this is right. Not that we frequented her restaurant. I remember going once. But according to the introduction of the book, she really got things started with "fresh, local, seasonal and possible organic ingredients". Her restaurant is credited as the most "influential" restaurant in the U.S. I look forward to this read. My book club is reading "Outliers" by Malcolm Gladwell ("The Tipping Point"). Mark, Calvin and I all read it over the Christmas holidays. Definitely a worthwhile book.

Obviously I am trying to focus on things other than my hair. I could talk about "chemo brain"... a term used to describe the mental cloudiness experienced during chemo. I am a bit more forgetful, but trying really hard to stay on top of my game. Please forgive me if I do forget something important... its all part of this ride.

Hair Cut Day

I had been advised by many to cut my hair short so that when it starts to fall out (and I shave my head) it is not such a shocking change. I am sure it still will not be any fun at all to have chunks of hair falling out ... but I have always wanted to see what I would look like with short hair so what the heck. I had a friend's niece come to the house and voila! here is the new me. I haven't had short hair since about 4th grade. It feels weird not to have anything hanging on my neck, almost like I am missing something. But kind of fun...
"cute and sassy" as described by my friend Julie. Mark even said he liked it... and he is the one who always loved my long hair. Well, another new experience. Aren't I having fun!

Last week I did feel pretty darn crummy from the chemo. This week I feel much better except for the expanders. My body is not reacting well to them. I have an appointment for a "pump up" on Friday and will discuss with the plastic surgeon then. In the meantime Hi to you all!

Would You Recognize Me?

Casey and Jaime / Poison