Love Short Hair

I have really enjoyed my short hair cut! Everyone I see seems to love it. Your earrings really show more with short hair. I find that I am wearing different earrings that I barely wore in the past. Unfortunately the time with my hair is fleeting. I am afraid to brush my hair. Each time I run my fingers through my it I have about 20 -30 hairs in my fingers. I will probably have Mark shave it off on Wednesday... How fair is it for a woman to loose both her breasts and hair at the same time? Actually I do have small breasts forming and have another appointment tomorrow. I am growing by the week! I did pick up my wig and was loaned two others from a fellow member of this club. Watch out, I might have different personalities when I wear different wigs. This could be fun. Also, won't have to shave my legs for the next few months. Now that is a positive side effect from chemo.

Finished the book I was reading about Julia Child. I really enjoyed it. I like biographies, love food and love France so how could I go wrong. I remember Julia Child's unique laugh and watching her do food demonstrations on TV. Now we have the Food Network and all those cooking competitions. I think she started it all. And she didn't publish her book until 1961 when she was (I think) 49 years old. Then her career took off. Evidence that there is still a lot to look forward to for all of us who continue to celebrate life after 50. "My Life in France" by Julia Child and Alex Proud-homme. (By the way... is the proper way to cite a book with underlines? I can't seem to figure out how to do that in the blog so it will have to be quotes.)

Now I have moved on to another famous chef, Alice Waters. "Alice Waters and Chez Panisse" by Thomas McNamee. One of the first art works that Mark and I purchased was a print designed by friends of ours for Chez Panisse in 1982. It still hangs in our house today. I think Alice had a poster designed for the restaurant every year. Some of my fellow Berkeley friends might remember if this is right. Not that we frequented her restaurant. I remember going once. But according to the introduction of the book, she really got things started with "fresh, local, seasonal and possible organic ingredients". Her restaurant is credited as the most "influential" restaurant in the U.S. I look forward to this read. My book club is reading "Outliers" by Malcolm Gladwell ("The Tipping Point"). Mark, Calvin and I all read it over the Christmas holidays. Definitely a worthwhile book.

Obviously I am trying to focus on things other than my hair. I could talk about "chemo brain"... a term used to describe the mental cloudiness experienced during chemo. I am a bit more forgetful, but trying really hard to stay on top of my game. Please forgive me if I do forget something important... its all part of this ride.

Hair Cut Day

I had been advised by many to cut my hair short so that when it starts to fall out (and I shave my head) it is not such a shocking change. I am sure it still will not be any fun at all to have chunks of hair falling out ... but I have always wanted to see what I would look like with short hair so what the heck. I had a friend's niece come to the house and voila! here is the new me. I haven't had short hair since about 4th grade. It feels weird not to have anything hanging on my neck, almost like I am missing something. But kind of fun...
"cute and sassy" as described by my friend Julie. Mark even said he liked it... and he is the one who always loved my long hair. Well, another new experience. Aren't I having fun!

Last week I did feel pretty darn crummy from the chemo. This week I feel much better except for the expanders. My body is not reacting well to them. I have an appointment for a "pump up" on Friday and will discuss with the plastic surgeon then. In the meantime Hi to you all!

Would You Recognize Me?

Casey and Jaime / Poison

Chemo #1

I am done with my first round of chemotherapy. I was the "New Patient" that day so got a lot of attention at first. The appointment was for noon on Monday but due to a respiratory emergency with another patient we didn't start until about 1:45pm. A bit late and we were hungry, waiting to get settled until we started eating the yummy lunch my friend Casey picked up for us. You get your own little area with a curtain for privacy, tv and extra chairs for visitors. Once they got me hooked up with the IV the fun began. First I got an anti-nausea drip for a while, followed by benadryl and tagamet. There may have been something else in there too. This is all to help you tolerate the poison that drips in next. When the nurse comes to connect the chemo drip he put on the hazardous materials suit. Really, not a joke, I have a photo to prove it. A mask, gown and special gloves. He certainly doesn't want to get this stuff on him. I actually could feel the chemo drug when it first entered my system and Casey told me I was turning beat red. But after a minute the sensation passed and the rest went fine. I am on two chemo drugs - Pactitaxel also called Taxol and Cyclophosphamide also called Cytoxan. I had heard about the dreaded "red" chemo drug but thankfully I don't have to have that one. I have a case manager, Heidi, another wonderful medical professional who came to visit with me. She reviewed all the drugs I am taking (I have a basket full at this point) and all the potential side effects from chemotherapy. She kept telling me that the benadryl would make me fall asleep and snickered at the Scrabble game Casey brought along for us to play. That was almost a challenge to me so I made Casey get the game out. Thank god I convinced her that it wouldn't be fair to keep score... she graciously agreed. She is the Queen of Scrabble. It was unbelievable. I really have some work to do if I ever want to try to be a challenge to her. Mark was there for most of the time - he tried to get her to explain some of her Scrabble strategies and Laurie came for a visit. At some point during all this another visitor was helping his friend on a chemo drip to the restroom and the visitor had a heart attack. All hell broke loose. "Call 911", "Get the Oxygen", and they were using the paddles on this elderly man over and over again. Lots of the staff checked in on the rest of us to make sure we were not getting too freaked out. We were all convinced he didn't make it until Heidi called yesterday to see how I was and to tell me this man was doing well in the hospital. Don't even know the guy but what a relief. She also made sure to tell me that Monday was not a normal day at the infusion center, it's usually much calmer.

I was exhausted on Monday went I got home. Long day at the infusion center. The past two days my body has just been very tired and achy like a bad flu. My expanders hurt a lot for some reason. I didn't sleep at all the first night and not much better on Tuesday night due to some of the medications I am on. But so far the doctor 's preventative measures have kept me from spending the day next to the toilet. Lucky so far. It might change with each subsequent treatment. I watched "Breakfast at Tiffanys" today and I don't think I have ever seen that whole movie. That was a treat. 

From the bottom, the Jennifer Aniston look, Mom from tv show John and Kate plus 8 (says Calvin) and someone who looks like me in short, brown hair!

Shopping for Hair

In the chemo world they tell you to go get your wig before you loose your hair. That way you can find something that comes close to matching your color, styling etc. (That isn't important if you want spiky hair with purple highlights... which I told Mark I was considering.) My doctor looked me straight in the eyes and told me that I would begin to loose my hair two weeks after my first treatment. Since I might not be feeling too well next week I started to panic about getting a wig. Carol Michael (member of the breast cancer club) came to my "Emotional Rescue" and took me on Thursday to Wigs R U. I hope and pray that none of you ever have to go there. But I'll let you know that the women who work there were so great! Understanding, sympathetic and they really know their merchandise. I sat down in a chair in front of a mirror to start the trying on process. I was on the edge of loosing it... again. I shed one tear about this unbelievably crappy (edited) situation I am in and then looked at Carol and knew she would make it fun. The women let me try on different looks, even ones I knew I would never pick. You pick the color like you would paint chips or wood chips from a ring. She just held up the swatches to my hair, but knew all along it would be number 16-22. We laughed so hard my chest hurt. Carol decided she needed to take some pictures to share with our husbands (who at the time were in a bar) and the quality of her iphone photos are surprisingly good. I decided I must share a few... I did order a wig - the Denver - which will be ready next week. Apparently you go in and they trim it up for you if you want... I also might buy a ponytail that I can wear with hats. It's not a full wig and much cooler in the summer I imagine. The wig I ordered is not shown below... What do you think of these?

Scott the Brother,the Musician and part-time Comedian

Watching and Enjoying "Momma Mia"!

Family Visitors

My mother and brother came for an overnight on Saturday. I haven't seen my brother for months as he wasn't with us over the holidays, so it was great to see him. He is really an incredible guitar player. So he and Mark played music together for hours which was almost like my own private concert. When my Dad passed away about 6 years ago my brother printed up a list of songs in a songbook to play when we buried Dad's ashes down near Mammoth in view of the Minaret mountain range. Scott and Mark played the music while the rest of us looked at the view, cried and thought about my Dad. Sorry, I digress... but my Mom asked them to play one of Merle Haggard's song "Kern River" from the songbook. We both enjoyed it so much. 

Scott was available for long walks with Mark and Otis down by the river. This was a welcome break for Mark from our otherwise slowed down lifestyle. The only part Mark didn't like was when my Mom, Otis and I sat down to watch "Momma Mia",  which she had never seen. Mark hates musicals, hates the music of Abba and doesn't like Meryl Streep. (Don't know how you can't like her... she is so talented.) I turned up the volume very loud and Mark had to go hide in the back room.

Played more scrabble and pummeled my Mom. Laughed a ton as my brother has a great sense of humor. He really was useless with helping around the house but made up for it with the music and company. 

Chemo

We have decided to move ahead with Chemotherapy and I start on Monday, March 9th. Yes, that's next week. I figure the sooner I get going with this next phase, the sooner I will be done. I will have 4 treatments, 3 weeks apart. For those of you who don't know the details... it takes about 3 hours for a chemo treatment. First they put in an IV line. Anti-nausea medicine drips in for a while, then the "cocktail" of chemotherapy slowly drips in. The "cocktail" differs depending on the type of cancer that you have and can change for different types of breast cancer. This takes place at an "infusion center". There is one at the Cancer building on the south side of Sutter Hospital. But there is a new center at the building at 29 and K. I was lucky to get into the new one for all of my appointments. March 9th, March 30, April 20 and the finale on May 11. In between they give you more anti-nausea meds in pill form should you need it, antibiotics (as a precaution since your immune system is so low) and then you have to have your blood drawn to make sure that your white blood counts are back up again before you start the next round. I may not have this exactly right... but you get the idea. 

I was really starting to feel like I had made some big improvements in my recovery. I have been for longer walks... 40 minutes on the levee and then 2 30 minute walks. I can manage some light household chores. Emptying and loading the dishwasher, doing laundry and I can make the coffee again. I never thought it would be so exciting to be able to do these chores which I normally get so sick of doing. So big improvements and now they are going to make me feel really crappy again. Actually, I know they have come along way with chemo improvements. My new nurse in the oncology office said that "I don't want to mislead you and tell you chemo is going to be a walk in the park... but it really is much better than it used to be". Most don't feel the terrible nausea. If it is bad the first round then they tweek the medication during round two. I have been told that you will definitely feel very fatigued and try to schedule afternoon naps. But other than that they tell you to try to keep up some form of exercise and do as much as your normal routine as possible.

I, of course, am hoping for the best... because that's how I am. But I keep waking up in the middle of the night, anxious, angry and sad. All normal reactions to this wild ride I am on.